We Got Feeds, Y'all

With the new version of Blogger making it even easier to add RSS feeds, I've gone crazy. I added a couple of Netflix feeds that display up-to-the-minute information on what movies Larry currently has at home, and the top 5 movies he has queued.

It's like a window into my world. Don't you feel like we are really connecting now? No? Wow, all of a sudden you seem a little uncomfortable. When did this conversation suddenly turn into that Christopher Walkern SNL skit, "The Continental"?

Netflix, Thou Art a Cruel Mistress

Netflix shipping as I see it...

• If I receive a movie on Monday and Tuesday morning I mail it back, then Wednesday Netflix will receive it and ship out another DVD the same day.


• It takes 2 days to get to me, so I'll get it on Friday.


• All this, of course, assumes I will watch the movie the same day I receive it.


• Based on the above information: Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday are the best days to mail movies for optimum turn around.


• Unfortunately, if you mail it Mon through Wed you would at best be able to send them back Fri through Sunday (which are the worst days).


• On average we watch 3 movies a week; this works out to just over 12 movies per month.


• If you started May 1st and watched every movie the same day you received it, and mailed it back the following morning you could watch 18 movies in a month. If you average 2 days to watch a movie the total goes down to 15 movies max for the month. 3 days = 12, 4 days = 9.


• This is a great deal if the movies are new releases. $4 per new release x 18 movies would be $72 worth of movies for only $17.99 a month.


• However, if all 18 movies are .99 non-new release rentals, then .99 x 18 = $17.82 worth of movies for $17.99 per month. Not a great deal at all. In fact, some might suggest this is, in fact, a craptastic deal.


• I'm not altogether sure movie rental stores still have .99 rentals on non-new releases.

So, the more new releases you rent, the more bang you're getting for your buck. Save the movies that have been on DVD for a year or more for cable.

Has It Been Four Months?

Well, it has been a while since I’ve posted to the blog. I will avoid promises of more frequent posts like some people.

The reasons for my absence from the blogosphere are twofold:

1) you may have noticed that my departure corresponds roughly to the launch of new television season. That’s right, Lost, 24, Prison Break, SNL, and Family Guy are to blame.

2) Writer’s block. Generally I find inspiration strikes me when I’m driving on the freeway or taking care of the livestock out back. When I actually sit down to put my thoughts to the keyboard, I get nothing. Which is too bad, because if memory serves me correct those snippets of wisdom are truly a wonder to behold (and by 'behold', I mean 'to reflect upon'). Unfortunately I forget them soon after. What I need to do is carry around a small tape recorder or hire a personal assistant that can transcribe my mutterings on the spot.

In the 38 years I’ve maintained this blog I've learned a few hard lessons. Not the least of which is, "Always spackle before you paint".

A Word About Comments

There have been a lot of comments received at the news desk this week, and unfortunatly most have been rejected. While we appreciate your contributions to the Spatulas of Doom blog, in the future please adhere to the following guidelines:

• All comments must praise Larry
• All commentators must display deference and obsequiousness to Larry
• Comments must not disagree with Larry
• Comments must not displease Larry
• Do not taunt, mock, or otherwise affect a disrespectful tone with or towards Larry

Also, criticism should be constructive and should follow the 5 to 1 rule: 5 positive comments for every negative one.

example of good criticism: "I don't think you expressed just how awesome you
are".

example of bad criticism: "you are a self-absorbed jerk and I hope you
die a horrible death"

Comments should, for the most part, sing Larry’s praises with multiple exclamation points.

For instance: "Great post!!!" "Way to go!!" "You rock!!!!"

Submissions not following the above guidelines are subject to a complete rewrite and/or deletion.


Larry
editor, Spatulas of Doom newsdesk
Fighting censorship since Q4 2006